Images.

Hiya, Momma.

I replay images of us together, daily. They bring a smile to my face and they bring tears to my eyes, too. I just long to talk to you so very much. Sometimes it is as though I can pretend it's like you're on vacation or something...this isn't an active thought of denial, but the denial is there. Then it hits me that I can't talk to you ever again and I want to be mush in my bed for several days.

Speaking of images and one of the things I wanted to talk to you about - I got both my new set of x-rays done AND the new MRI last week! It was a bit of a miracle, lol. My follow-up with the sports medicine doctor is the 21st, so she will have had plenty of time to evaluate the results of the imaging. I am hopeful that at least it will show something we can do something about. At this point I'd be satisfied with pain management, even if there is no fix.

My first instinct was to call you, of course. And of course, I couldn't. I'm still not dealing with that fact very well. But I am doing well in the ways that you would be most concerned about. I am. Not perfect, not even close, but at least 85% better.  And that's a win. I won't let anyone tell me different (and neither would my therapist).

I love you, Mom. I know you said you wouldn't be looking in on me, if that turns out to be possible. And I understood why you said that. But now that you're gone, I would like if you checked in now and then, if you can.

I love you. You are with me always.
Angie

I Miss You.

Hiya Momma.
I created a blog in place of all the things I would normally tell you about every day - big or small.  I am not entirely sure if this will be therapeutic, encourage despair, or foster a denial that you have died. You died. Fuck. 63 is far too soon, especially for someone living as you have the last 20+ years.

But you did die. And I still long for our conversations. So I'm going to try this.

I love you so much Mom. I miss you beyond reason. But I am doing ok. Really. I made you a promise and I aim to keep it. I will continue to be healthier and "better" and will not let grief be an excuse to tow me under.

I love you,
A
You are with me always.